Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Book of Matthew (cont.)

So I have learned something about myself today. When I sit down and read I see letters and those letters form words and those words form sentences. My eyes see the sentences and my mind reads them. But I do not always hear what the words are saying. Sometimes when I read, there are two things happening. One is that I am reading and another is that there is usually a jumbled mess bouncing around in my head at the same time.

Perhaps its ADD and I need drugs......

So today, before even finishing The Book of Matthew, I went back to the beginning and started again. I cleared my mind and actually read. I got to The Beatitudes and really read them, I am gonna be honest...

Some of them (if not all of them) are scary....

They are scary to me because I realize that as a human being I can't follow all of them. I mean Murder is obvious and I don't ever plan on killing anyone, I think I can handle that one. I go down through and read Eye for an Eye and I think to myself, if someone punches me in the face, I am gonna punch them back (for those of you who know me, you know that I would really curl up in the fetal position). The big one for me is Love Your Enemies. It is a very hard thing for me to love someone I hate or someone that has made me mad. I mean isn't it for you?

Then there is the big one: Judging Others....

I will be honest with you (maybe even offend you).....I judge people almost everyday....without even thinking about it. That scares me. I don't wanna be that way and most of the time I catch myself right after I have done it but the truth is.....I judge people.

I don't know if I can be the person Jesus wants me to be and that is scary.

I am in hopes that as I read further I can begin to better myself as a person, as a child of God.

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